the story that never ended.

How do you start a story like ours.  Particularly, our story started almost 17 years ago.  Kids in the midst of awkward times, learning about ourselves, the opposite sex, and complaining about how much life sucks.  Not much has changed except maybe the presence of a few white hairs (yes, that would be me)--but we've grown in incredible ways and have come to a very different place than where we started so long ago.  

As most know, Phillip and I were married on Saturday, June 14th, 2003 in the LDS, Los Angeles Temple.  We lived in about a dozen places, like most newlyweds, had two children and then shortly thereafter began a career move that transferred us from Utah to California, where we now reside.  Not too long after we settled into our new home, we separated and divorced.  Yes, that ugly word. The "D" word that I so seldom thought about during the entirety of our marriage.  I didn't believe it was even possible for us. And yet it became our reality.  The only way to describe how I felt in the beginning was that it felt like a blow to the gut. A pain, I wasn't sure would subside or cease.  I remember even for the first few months that I would dream  that everything going on was a dream, and then I would wake up heartbroken and remember that it wasn't.  It certainly took me and I'm sure anyone we ever knew by surprise.    

I could write forever about the years that followed and the story that obviously never ended.  Our lives were never meant to be apart and the fact is, I never let go.  And neither did he.  I'm sure we both could have found someone else to marry and share our lives with, but what we needed was each other.  As much as I thought our lives had ended at the stroke of those final divorce papers, it had not.  Our story was never over, and for a time we led separate lives that eventually led back to one another. 

Beach date!

Date Night at one of our favorite restaurants, Benihana's. 

There is nothing like losing your best friend and love.  And then being tormented every day, and week that you have to encounter them.  The ache is more than one should have to bear.  It is a heartbreak that is incredibly hard to heal.  The only thing I can say is that I am so grateful for the Gospel.  Thankful for wonderful family and friends, ward members and anonymous strangers who helped me through trying times.  Helped me to realize my worth, gave me love and encouragement when I needed it the most.  I am better because of the love and compassion showed by so many.  Through the every day heartache of waking up alone, battles fought alone without encouragement without my companion beside me, I found strength and peace through my Savior.  In turn, I learned to lean on my Savior and rely on His strength to carry me through it.  He showed me how strong I could be and I am grateful for that.  

We still have daily struggles and challenges to overcome as a couple, but we are in it together.  We know what is at stake and want to be better because of it.  There is still so much growth and learning on both our parts, but we are up for the challenge.


xo.